Currently Listening Don't You Fake It By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus 4) Facedown (my favourite) see related

To be sick or not to be sick--THAT, my friend, is the question.

     Yes, I'm STILL not feeling well!  My bloodwork came back as negative for mono, thyroid, blood sugar, etc.  But unfortunately it couldn't diagnose a chronic case of no energy.  I'm dehydrated, but what's new with that?  Things were going pretty well with getting better and actually feeling better, especially after I quit the one medication that was messing me up.  I actually have been able to walk across a room without blacking out or getting dizzy!  Again, amazing how much we take for granted.  I didn't realize just how many things you can't do when you black out at times.  So anyway, that's getting better, but the energy levels aren't.  I've been trying to get out a little each day and gain more strength back, and different friends have driven me since I haven't driven yet (try not driving for more than three weeks when you live to drive, yeah, and in my case, drive to live since it's also my job...).  I don't know if somehow I overdid it on Saturday but that night and all day yesterday I felt really badly.  Shaky, very weak, no energy, upset stomach, etc. 

     Along the lines of being sick, I can't thank my friends enough for how they've come over, hung out, brought me things, encouraged me, hugged me, taken care of me, etc, etc, etc.  Thank you so much to Elizabeth, Kenny, Jack, Leighann, Todd, Becca, Becca G, Singers, Josiah, and the others who have helped.  God has richly blessed me with friends who care.

     I'd hoped to go back to work today but I can barely be out for four hours before I'm ready for bed.  Not good.  I'm not sure exactly what God is teaching me through this or what He wants me to learn, but please be praying for me to trust Him and rest, really rest in His arms.  To not be troubled by everything and worrying because then even if I am  home "resting" I'm not really resting.  Not an easy thing to do.  I think in some ways God is teaching me to "be still and know that I am God," as my lifestyle can tend to be pretty crazy.  I want Him to get an even greater hold on my life and use it for His glory, whittling away at even the most minute details that aren't pleasing to Him.  Maybe this is His way of refocusing me.  Amazing how little it takes to get me off track with Him.  And even more amazing is the love that compells Him to keep hold of me and change me until I am His perfect bride.  It's interesting, but lately I've been realizing how when it comes to my relationship with God, I really am a lot like the the story of Hosea and his prostitute wife in the Bible.  I keep wandering off from my true love and still He brings me back and forgives me.  Will I ever learn to rest in the arms of my Saviour without being tempted by things going by?  Amazing how the closer I get to Him the more I realize is wrong in my life, and the more I want to change.  Jesus, keep me sensitive to Your will and Your way.

     The following is an article that a friend gave me a few years ago during a rough time.  I think that it can be very encouraging and also helpful with keeping the right focus:

                                                                  Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.  But God, to a Christian, says, "no," not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with living loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me, to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.  I love you my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.  You will never be united with another until you are united with me--exclusively of any other desires or longings.  I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing--one that you cannot imagine.  I want you to have the best.  Please allow me to bring it to you.  You keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.  Keep that satisfaction knowing that I AM.  Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you and you must wait.  Don't be anxious and don't worry.  Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I have given them.  Don't look at the things you want.  Just keep looking off and away up to me or you'll miss what I have to show you.

And then when you are ready I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream.   You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working right this very minute to have the both of you ready at the same time), and until you are satisfied exclusively with me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with me, and this is the perfect love.

And my dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.  I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself.  I love you utterly.  I am God Almighty, believe and be satisfied.

Currently Watching Hotel Rwanda By Xolani Mali, Don Cheadle, Desmond Dube, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Tony Kgoroge, Rosie Motene, Neil McCarthy (II), Mabutho 'Kid' Sithole, Nick Nolte, Fana Mokoena, Jeremiah Ndlovu, Sophie Okonedo, Lebo Mashile, Antonio David Lyons, Leleti Khumalo, Kgomotso Seitshohlo, Lerato Mokgotho, Mosa Kaiser, Mathabo Pieterson, Ofentse Modiselle see related

Life with these United Nations...er, united family members? Wait, um, oh, just read on...=)

It's interesting.  I was just reading my sister's xanga and she wrote about how my family is so diverse and scattered.  The amazing thing is that we really are scattered!  Seriously, in one week we were in Germany, Holland, Egypt, Slovakia, Austria, Hungary, Uganda, US, and maybe one more country?  At least eight countries and there are only seven of us in my family...  I love how we're all over the place, but it does make it really hard to get together and be all seven of us together.  And as my sister wrote, it sure does make it hard to explain to people my background and family.  Yes, if we wrote books on the stories of our lives people would think they were just that--stories.  Very few would believe that these are actually the real life happenings of a family of seven who does not stop going.  I really wouldn't be surprised if there comes a day when our family has at least one member on each continent except for Antartica (the two people together would of course be my parents).  Hmm.  We'd have world-wide reunions!  Hey, would we be called the "United Nations?"  I know, bad joke, but I get it from my dad...hehe.

I'm feeling a lot better now, and am off one more day from work.  I still get out of breath going up steps or doing too much, but I can actually walk around now and I've started eating again, small amounts but it's still something.  I'm almost getting to the point where I miss work!  Wow!  Well, I love my job but it has been extremely stressful since January.  I've really not had a break from work, which is probably why I've been sick for six weeks off and on now.  I've worked through being sick.  I think God let me have this happen so I would actually get a legal break.  I just have to trust Him with everything as being sick does throw a wrench into certain important aspects of living--like paying bills?  I suppose it is better to be alive and tight on money than dead and with plenty, ej?

Almost April already!  Where has the year gone?!  In two months I'll be in my cousin's wedding (sister to the one I was in last year) and my sister will be in two more right after that!  Agh!  This summer will be different because I won't be able to go to the beach or be outside hanging one day a week.  Now that we've changed schedules at work we're working five days a week for often 10-12 hours a day (not mentioning night and weekend on call), instead of 4 days a week 10-12 hours.  Oh well, I think God must be teaching me patience, and that I can't do it on my own strength.  It's not an easy lesson to learn, that's for sure.

I will close for now.  I must go back to resting and trying to get some things done if I have enough energy.  We'll see what gets accomplished today...at least I should be feeling much better tomorrow, Lord willing.  Health is never something to take for granted, although so many of us do just that.  Once it's gone, you realize how precious it is.

Few Pictures...

Here are a few photos from Bonaire, my snowboarding trip, and friends. I'll try to post more later but as I'm at a friends' house I don't have a lot of time or space to put more up.  Enjoy and post comments!

Thousand Steps, Bonaire

Boka Omnima, Bonaire

Snowboarding!

Becca, Tara, and me on the ski trip

Tara and I

18 Jan. 2007

Bonaire